'Dr. Jackson's Diary' by Anais (NC-17)
Dec. 30th, 2005 04:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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stargateficrecRec Category: Jack/Daniel
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Daniel/Paul
Category: Slash, Humor
Warning: Slash, Not-Monkeys, Guacamole Anguish, Excessive Amounts of Alcohol, Caffeine, and Cookie Consumption, THING!
Author on LJ:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
notmonkey
Author's Website: http://www.versaphile.com/anais/
Link: http://www.versaphile.com/anais/January.shtml
Why This Must Be Read:
I'm rather shocked that this hasn't been recced already. It is one of the quintessential Jack/Daniel fics.
A parody of Bridgett Jones' Diary, the DJD takes us through a year with Daniel, the most neurotic, self-destructive, self-conscious, and plagued archeologist/linguist to walk this Earth (or any other planets you can gate to). The whole of the piece is laugh-yourself-sick funny. It is completely absurd and its absurdity is its brilliance.
Also, strangely enough, there's lots of hot Jack/Daniel action and enough angst (comidically rendered) to kill a Not-Monkey.
The first part gets a little gross with describing a planet that might as well be called Planet Sewer, but after that the ick-factor is mostly contained in two words: Guacamole Anguish. Read the story to find out what I mean. ;)
Excerpt from January 1
An exceptionally bad start to the year. New Year's party still making presence felt by way of toxic hangover. I knew the karaoke machine was a bad idea. Made Jack attempt to lower my inhibitions by feeding me alcohol so I'd sing. I have a horrible feeling we made complete asses of ourselves. Sam was humming 'It's Raining Men' with a twinkle in her eye, so it's a very real possibility.
Resolved to be virtuous. Made New Year's Resolutions.
1. I will not agonise about being closer to forty than I was last year.
2. I will not harbour inappropriate thoughts about other team members.
3. I will not rise to the bait whenever Jack attempts to piss me off - rather I will be cool, calm, collected and gracious.
4. I will not allow myself to be seduced, drugged, frozen, shot or rendered invisible.
5. I will make it abundantly clear that I will not tolerate even ONE more Dr. Evil joke.
6. I will avoid foods that are bad for me and snack on healthy things like salads and plain grilled chicken breast.
7. I will go to the gym, having accepted that Teal'c's meditation techniques are no substitute for exercise.
8. I WILL NOT DIE
9. I will not excessively and continuously speculate as to why they keep reprinting Wallace Budge and bang on incessantly at what a clueless bastard he is.
10. I will no longer allow my friends to fill me with alcohol and make me act like an idiot - rather I will be cool unattainable scholar with inaccessible yet charming manner, in order to attract certain Colonel.
11. I will not date aliens, megalomaniacs, Destroyers of Worlds, commitment phobics, alcoholics or Gou'ald goddesses, no matter how scantily clad or alluring.
12. Will form functional and happy relationship with sarcastic, rude, loud, gross and no-shame-whatsoever USAF Colonel.
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Daniel/Paul
Category: Slash, Humor
Warning: Slash, Not-Monkeys, Guacamole Anguish, Excessive Amounts of Alcohol, Caffeine, and Cookie Consumption, THING!
Author on LJ:
notmonkeyAuthor's Website: http://www.versaphile.com/anais/
Link: http://www.versaphile.com/anais/January.shtml
Why This Must Be Read:
I'm rather shocked that this hasn't been recced already. It is one of the quintessential Jack/Daniel fics.
A parody of Bridgett Jones' Diary, the DJD takes us through a year with Daniel, the most neurotic, self-destructive, self-conscious, and plagued archeologist/linguist to walk this Earth (or any other planets you can gate to). The whole of the piece is laugh-yourself-sick funny. It is completely absurd and its absurdity is its brilliance.
Also, strangely enough, there's lots of hot Jack/Daniel action and enough angst (comidically rendered) to kill a Not-Monkey.
The first part gets a little gross with describing a planet that might as well be called Planet Sewer, but after that the ick-factor is mostly contained in two words: Guacamole Anguish. Read the story to find out what I mean. ;)
Excerpt from January 1
An exceptionally bad start to the year. New Year's party still making presence felt by way of toxic hangover. I knew the karaoke machine was a bad idea. Made Jack attempt to lower my inhibitions by feeding me alcohol so I'd sing. I have a horrible feeling we made complete asses of ourselves. Sam was humming 'It's Raining Men' with a twinkle in her eye, so it's a very real possibility.
Resolved to be virtuous. Made New Year's Resolutions.
1. I will not agonise about being closer to forty than I was last year.
2. I will not harbour inappropriate thoughts about other team members.
3. I will not rise to the bait whenever Jack attempts to piss me off - rather I will be cool, calm, collected and gracious.
4. I will not allow myself to be seduced, drugged, frozen, shot or rendered invisible.
5. I will make it abundantly clear that I will not tolerate even ONE more Dr. Evil joke.
6. I will avoid foods that are bad for me and snack on healthy things like salads and plain grilled chicken breast.
7. I will go to the gym, having accepted that Teal'c's meditation techniques are no substitute for exercise.
8. I WILL NOT DIE
9. I will not excessively and continuously speculate as to why they keep reprinting Wallace Budge and bang on incessantly at what a clueless bastard he is.
10. I will no longer allow my friends to fill me with alcohol and make me act like an idiot - rather I will be cool unattainable scholar with inaccessible yet charming manner, in order to attract certain Colonel.
11. I will not date aliens, megalomaniacs, Destroyers of Worlds, commitment phobics, alcoholics or Gou'ald goddesses, no matter how scantily clad or alluring.
12. Will form functional and happy relationship with sarcastic, rude, loud, gross and no-shame-whatsoever USAF Colonel.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 09:51 pm (UTC)