'Dr. Jackson's Diary' by Anais (NC-17)

[theemdash]

Rec Category: Jack/Daniel
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Daniel/Paul
Category: Slash, Humor
Warning: Slash, Not-Monkeys, Guacamole Anguish, Excessive Amounts of Alcohol, Caffeine, and Cookie Consumption, THING!
Author on LJ: notmonkey
Author's Website: http://www.versaphile.com/anais/
Link: http://www.versaphile.com/anais/January.shtml

Why This Must Be Read:
I'm rather shocked that this hasn't been recced already. It is one of the quintessential Jack/Daniel fics.

A parody of Bridgett Jones' Diary, the DJD takes us through a year with Daniel, the most neurotic, self-destructive, self-conscious, and plagued archeologist/linguist to walk this Earth (or any other planets you can gate to). The whole of the piece is laugh-yourself-sick funny. It is completely absurd and its absurdity is its brilliance.

Also, strangely enough, there's lots of hot Jack/Daniel action and enough angst (comidically rendered) to kill a Not-Monkey.

The first part gets a little gross with describing a planet that might as well be called Planet Sewer, but after that the ick-factor is mostly contained in two words: Guacamole Anguish. Read the story to find out what I mean. ;)


Excerpt from January 1
An exceptionally bad start to the year. New Year's party still making presence felt by way of toxic hangover. I knew the karaoke machine was a bad idea. Made Jack attempt to lower my inhibitions by feeding me alcohol so I'd sing. I have a horrible feeling we made complete asses of ourselves. Sam was humming 'It's Raining Men' with a twinkle in her eye, so it's a very real possibility.
Resolved to be virtuous. Made New Year's Resolutions.
1. I will not agonise about being closer to forty than I was last year.
2. I will not harbour inappropriate thoughts about other team members.
3. I will not rise to the bait whenever Jack attempts to piss me off - rather I will be cool, calm, collected and gracious.
4. I will not allow myself to be seduced, drugged, frozen, shot or rendered invisible.
5. I will make it abundantly clear that I will not tolerate even ONE more Dr. Evil joke.
6. I will avoid foods that are bad for me and snack on healthy things like salads and plain grilled chicken breast.
7. I will go to the gym, having accepted that Teal'c's meditation techniques are no substitute for exercise.
8. I WILL NOT DIE
9. I will not excessively and continuously speculate as to why they keep reprinting Wallace Budge and bang on incessantly at what a clueless bastard he is.
10. I will no longer allow my friends to fill me with alcohol and make me act like an idiot - rather I will be cool unattainable scholar with inaccessible yet charming manner, in order to attract certain Colonel.
11. I will not date aliens, megalomaniacs, Destroyers of Worlds, commitment phobics, alcoholics or Gou'ald goddesses, no matter how scantily clad or alluring.
12. Will form functional and happy relationship with sarcastic, rude, loud, gross and no-shame-whatsoever USAF Colonel.

Comments

[malnpudl.livejournal.com]

Anais is minkboylove on LJ, but she doesn't post fic there.

[theemdash]

Thank you. lizardspots also gave me the link to her fandom journal.

[lizardspots.livejournal.com]

Anais' fandom lj is notmonkey. :)

I totally have to reread this fic again, you realise. Damn you for putting that ever-so-tempting link in front of me!

[theemdash]

Thank you! Yay.

And yes, damn me. I want to re-read it also, but I have a 30K word beta to finish first. Oh, responsibility how you get in the way of Not-Monkeys and the perils of redecorating bathrooms.

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Is that LT? Is it really that long? ::goes to check:: 31,135! I had it in my head it was 17,000! Eep.

And I'm making you miss a Diary re-read :;guilty and abashed::

[theemdash]

Pshaw. Don't worry about it. I did finally start LT and am about 2,500 words in. Woot! I'm doing one of my "long" reads where I read a few paragraphs, think about it, and then comment in detail. I have a lot of comments. ;) I should be able to get you 5,000 words by the end of this weekend if you want them.

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Send them over whenever! Whatever suits you, really ::hugs::

And lots of comments is good; be free and frank; won't bother me. I wrote it in such a head down, plough ahead, don't look back way that it really does need a lot of kicking into shape.

[theemdash]

I admit that many of my comments are: "OMG, I love this phrasing. I hate you for it. I'm going to push you down in the school yard, kick sand in your face, and steal it." ;) But, uh, there are constructive comments, too.

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

::whimpers:: You can have it/them! Don't hurt me, please!

;-))

Look forward to reading all of what you have to say ::snuggles::

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

I found this fandom August 1 and have already read this fic seven times.

Love all of the SG-1 fics she's done and considering I'd never seen Paul in an episode when I was reading them she did an amazing job of making me want to.