stargateficrec | Calendar Boys by Pie (NC-17)

Rec Category: Jack/Daniel
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Categories: Jack/Daniel, humor
Warnings: None
Author on LJ: No idea...
Author's Website: Pie at Area 52
Link: Via Area 52

Why This Must Be Read:
Okay, I stumbled over this one quite accidentally, but it made me laughed so much that I made the family think I had temporarily gone nuts. This is utterly hilarious from beginning to end, and though the characterisations are either exaggerated (like Paul) or skewed a little for the sake of the plot, it is a crack!fic, and a parody of 'Calendar Girls'. So if you are suffering from the holiday blues and are in need of a brilliant crack!fic to relieve the stress, go read this! ;)

Snippet of the fic:

"So, I presume you have an idea to raise funds Carter"

Sam had swallowed and unconsciously squared her shoulders. She was had been gaining no support whatsodamnever from her supposed friend sitting next to her.

"Yes Sir," she had replied simply. Sam had taken a deep breath and smiled winningly, "I think.... I think we should produce a nude calendar of SGC personnel."

The silence that had followed her pronouncement was pretty damning; Sam had seen her teammates sick, injured, mad, drunk, high and even dead, but never had she seen them as completely dumbstruck as they were now.

She rushed to explain herself.

"Well, Sirs, Janet and I rented a movie the other night. A true story, based on some ladies in England who wanted to raise money for a charity and decided to pose nearly nude. They raised millions of English pounds and I think we could do the same." Sam had been breathless by the time she had finished.

"And what group of ladies was this Carter?" Predictably it had been the colonel who had found his voice first and was shouting the odds. "Swimsuit models and movie stars?" he added scathingly.

"No, Sir," replied Sam, aware that Janet was trembling with not very well suppressed chuckles in the seat next to her. Giving Janet an exasperated look she continued, "They were mature ladies from the Women's Institute."

"Yes" piped up Janet, entering the fray, "they hid their err...assets behind cakes and flowers and things."

"Are you proposing, Major, that we ask for volunteers from the female staff to pose for this calendar?" questioned a perplexed General Hammond.

The tremors now racking Janet's petite frame were quite alarming. Damn Cabernet Sauvignon and Ben and Jerry's Karamel Sutra - they had a lot to answer for. Sam wished she were anywhere but at this table. How on earth did she find herself in these situations?

Antarctica was looking good to her at this point!

"Well, Sir...you see...um...err Janet and I did some preliminary research.... and...um...."

"Spit it out, Carter."

"Well, it seems the female calendars have been done to death...so a male calendar would be the way to go."

Unfortunately Daniel was taking a mouthful of coffee when Sam made her announcement; it exited his mouth quite forcefully...all over an enraged Colonel.