Proportional Hazards, by Eve (G)

[sg-fignewton.livejournal.com]

Rec Category: Samantha Carter

Pairing: none
Categories: Samantha Carter, gen, team, humor
Warnings: none
Author on LJ: eve11
Author's Website: unknown
Link: Proportional Hazards

Why This Must Be Read: This little fic snippet is hot off the presses and too funny to miss!

Some time ago, I recced Folsom Prison Blues, a hilarious teamy goodness piece that included the team resignedly ranking their current prison on their usual scale of one to ten. Now, in response to the "timestamp" meme currently making the rounds, Eve has offered this little gem: yet another prison, yet another break-out. Sam is in her element as she efficiently and smoothly engineers their escape. Except that Sam has a… vested interest, this time. And lets that tidbit of information slip. Oops.

Cheerful disclaimer: Eve wrote this at my request. Doesn't make it any less funny, though. It'll take you two minutes to read, and it's guaranteed to make you smile!

She was still resolutely tapping her way along the frame, and had produced a screwdriver from somewhere. Suddenly she must've found what she was looking for; she stood back and pointed to a spot on the wall that looked no different from the rest of the wall.

"Here, Teal'c," she said.

Teal'c took two strides across the room, letting his momentum carry him into a solid, open-palmed strike at Carter's non-spot.

A panel sprung open. Five seconds of screwdriver-ing later, the door shoomped up again, and they were ghosting down the hall.

"Does that even count?" Jack whispered as they found cover in an alcove.

"It better--" Carter stopped mid-sentence, suddenly concerned with the tops of her shoes. Jack gave her a look, then stood back.

"You didn't."

Carter had never looked so guilty in her life.

Comments

[sulien.livejournal.com]

Bloody BRILLIANT! Thank you so much for reccing these. *grins*

[eve11]

Thanks muchly! And now I want to do an escape animation to that icon. Which, because I have no skill whatsoever with that kind of thing, I will not do. So instead, you may have:

"There is a knife in my cargo pocket, Major Carter."

"I'll try to reach-- stop squirming, sir."

"I can't help it."

"Ow! Jack--"

"Sorry."

"Was that your elbow? That got me right in the kidney."

"--Sir, if you don't stop, we're going to start swinging--"

"Too late, Major Carter."

"Hey, it's Teal'c's fault, he made the whole thing lopsided."

"I have remained quite still, O'Neill."

"...Aaand now we're spinning. We need to get some counter-motion--."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Ah ah. Not on my boots you're not, Daniel."

"Just, everyone, hold still--"

"Now you're squirming, Carter!"

"But--ow! I'm squirming with purpose. Almost. . . there."

"God, I hope that was you, Sam."

"My apologies, Daniel Jackson."

"Lemme get my arm free, then get ready to--"

"Major--"
"No wait--"
"Whoa!"

...THUMP

"Ow."

"--Land."

[sg-fignewton.livejournal.com]

::cries with laughter::

Is this supposed to be another timestamp, then?

I must send this link to littlekfru... maybe he'll create this version!

Absolutely love it. :)

[eve11]

;)

Hmmm, now that I think of it, I think the laws of physics would have them spinning and then swinging, though...

[sg-fignewton.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed! And yes, Eve's fics are wonderful. She absolutely shines in teamy goodness. Check out the rest of 'em, too.