Not, by Tallulah Rasa (PG)

[sg-fignewton.livejournal.com]

Rec Category: Daniel Jackson

Pairing: none
Categories: Daniel Jackson, AU, gen, team, Jack and Daniel friendship, angst, character study
Warnings: none
Author on LJ: unknown
Author's Website: To Explore the Universe and Eat Pie
Link: Not 

Why This Must Be Read: I've often called Tallulah Rasa one of the queens of gen fic. Sadly, many of my favorites are no longer available online; this one, though, with its thoughtful examination of memory and personality and the spaces between, is fortunately still on her webpage.

In this AU of Season Seven, Daniel's memories are permanently lost, and he has to start all over again. No one finds this easy – not Daniel himself, nor his friends, who keep expecting to find recognition and understanding and only meet with blank, polite incomprehension. But the person who finds it hardest is, unsurprisingly, Jack O'Neill. 

While Daniel and Sam and Teal'c try to find a way towards acceptance of Not Daniel and his new beginnings, Jack is still fighting against what he sees as a premature surrender at the loss of his closest friend. And it takes Daniel – this new, different, but oddly just-the-same Daniel – to find a way to bring Jack back to their changed friendship. Certainly, the method that finally makes the breakthrough is uniquely Jack and Daniel!

Written with Tallulah Rasa's usual sharp insights into the characters, the turns and twists of Not will leave you, like Jack, not quite sure what to think – but glad you've taken the journey.

 
"Major Carter and I are speaking of a wake," Teal'c says.

"Oh," Daniel says.  He knows about wakes; there's a book on modern Western rites and rituals in his office.  "Whose?" 

"Uh…well.  Yours," Sam says so softly it's almost a whisper.

"Oh," Daniel says again.  "Well, that's…actually, that makes a lot of sense."

"It does?" Sam looks relieved and confused all at once, though Daniel thinks she's mostly confused. 

"So I have been telling Major Carter," Teal'c says.

"Rituals offer closure," Daniel says.  "They help ease beginnings and endings."  He reaches out a tentative hand to Sam.  "I'm here, but my old life as Daniel Jackson seems to be over.  The Daniel Jackson you knew is gone."

"But we are grateful you are here, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c says. 

Daniel can't help smiling.  "Thank you, Teal'c.  I look forward to getting to know you better.  To knowing all of you, and hopefully to becoming friends. But before that can happen, you have to let go of the old Daniel Jackson.  And I think I need to, too.  Maybe a wake would help me understand who I used to be.  Maybe I need to say goodbye, too, even if I don't really know the person I'm saying goodbye to."

"Then we shall have a wake," Teal'c says, and one eyebrow goes up.  "More correctly, another wake.   We have already conducted this ritual for you before, on another occasion." 

"When I, uh, ascended?" Daniel asks.

"No," Sam says. "Actually it was…well, I'll tell you about it later."

"Okay," Daniel says.  "As long as I can help plan this one."

"You want to help with your own wake?"

"I guess that's not the usual way of doing things," Daniel says.  He paces around the lab, picking up a few interesting-looking things and carefully replacing them before turning to Sam again.  "But then again, this whole situation isn't really usual, is it?  We may have to develop our own, um, rules for…well, for everything.  As we go.  Kind of like developing a new culture, or a new society, or…what?" he asks, because Sam's smiling.  Daniel thinks it's the first smile she's meant since he's been at the SGC. 

"Sometimes," she says, "you're still really very Daniel."  She sniffles, and smiles again.  "Okay, Descended One.  You have any ideas about the food?"

"No lima beans," Daniel says firmly.  "But I read something in the journals about chocolate cookies…"

 

Comments

[sg-fignewton.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for letting me know you liked the rec. :)