The Day After, by Danvers (PG-13)

[sg-fignewton.livejournal.com]

Rec Category: Daniel Jackson

Pairing: Daniel/Sha're
Category:  Daniel Jackson, gen, episode related, angst
Warnings: canon character death
Author on LJ: unknown
Author's Website: Danvers' SG-1 fics
Link to Story: The Day After

Why This Must Be Read:  This creepily beautiful story takes place sometime in the middle of Daniel's ten-second/two-week vision that Sha're gives him in the moments before her death. Metaphor upon dreamscape upon nightmare, Danvers paints possible visions that Daniel might have experienced, all leading to the two things that mattered to Sha're most: finding her son, and forgiving Teal'c.

Like Daniel, we're not quite sure what's real and what isn't, but it's all riveting. There's team support, even if all Teal'c can manage is to send a message, "Tell Daniel Jackson…" There's dizzying flashes of Sha're in the most bizarre circumstances, including dressed as a 50's housewife or cooing over the Harcesis child with Daniel's dead mother. Most powerful, however, is Daniel's eventual acceptance of the real difference between Ammonet and Sha're, and what he himself might have been willing to do if his and Teal'c's roles had been reversed.

Forever In a Day was a confusing enough episode that I've seen many fanfic writers make the mistake of insisting that canon includes Daniel actually leaving the SGC while he mourned for Sha're's death. Danvers takes that confusion several steps further, and it's great fun to go along for the ride.

 They give me a rundown of everything that's happening at the SGC, mentioning a dozen times that they can't wait for me to get back. I know why they're here; to find out if I'm coming back at all.

"You must go back," she says stepping between me and them.

I look up at her, only this time it really hurts. "I know."

She leans down and takes my face in her hands. "You must find the boy. You promised."

For a moment it's all too clear. She's dead. No matter how much I keep looking, she's not coming back and the hurt is unbearable.

No. Just, no.

I put my cup on the coffee table and smile as Jack talks, pushing everything down, burying it with her.

"Teal'c says hi," Jack says, his unsubtle test of the waters.

I nod. "Teal'c would never say hi."

Sam grins and Jack shrugs. "I know, but I kind of stopped listening after he said, 'tell Daniel Jackson'."

"We asked him to come, but he said you might not want to see him," Sam said quietly.

My face feels tight when I answer. "He saved my life."

He killed my wife.

Sam's nodding at me, watching me closely.

"How is Teal'c?" I ask, more for them than me.

Jack looks serious, so I guess it can't be good. "He feels badly about the whole thing, but I told him we'd all have done the same thing in that situation."

I see it like short flashes in my head. All three of them, firing that blast. One after the other.

I see Teal'c on his knees, under the ribbon device as she smiles down at him. You wouldn't know it was wrong, evil, whatever you want to call it. She looks like a mythical creature, light coming from her hand as she smiles, beautiful from head to toe.

I pick up the staff weapon and watch Teal'c crumbling under the light. I raise the weapon, steadying it as she tilts her head to stare at him, her eyes bright. I point the staff at her. The glow becomes harsher and I see the charged split at the end of the staff.

"Daniel?"

I look at Sam and Jack, frowning in confusion. "What?"

"You okay? You zoned out for a few seconds there," Jack says.

I close my eyes and nod. "It's... it's my head."

Sam's suddenly crouching by me. "Can we get you anything?"

I shake my head. "I just need to sleep."

Jack's hovering behind Sam. "Look, we'll let you get some rest."

I swallow hard, feeling sick to my stomach and nod. "Yeah. Rest. I think I might do that."

I get up from the couch, feeling unsteady and Sam gives me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. "Call me if you need anything, Daniel."

I nod mutely as she heads for the door. Jack follows up with a hug and a pat on the shoulder. "I wanna see you back at work soon, Daniel. That Rothman's a pain in the ass," he says with a small smile.

I follow them to the door, closing it behind them with relief when they leave. I look for her in the apartment, almost frantic, but she's nowhere. I can't seem to find her at all.

But she'll come back, I just have to carry on as usual and she'll fade in and fade out the way she does. Just carry on.

So I pick up the cups and take them to the kitchen. I clean them and dry them. One by one I put them back in their place, only, the third one drops from my hand and shatters completely on the floor. I stare blankly at the broken pieces. Looking at them, you'd have no idea what they used to be a part of.

"Daniel."

I turn to see her in her Abydonian robes as I stand in mine. She holds up the marriage cup and drinks from it. She holds it out to me and I hold it with her as I drink from it. She drinks from it a second time and we pour the contents out onto the fire.

The broken pieces of the cup cut into my palm, but I seem to be stuck there, leaning against the floor and out of breath.

"I love you, Daniel," she says, before falling away like sand.

I let my head hang, my hands spread on the floor, over the broken cup. There don't seem to be enough tears in the universe and at the same time, I feel like they'll never stop.