stargateficrec | Furnishing the Universe, One Room at a Time, by Tafkar (G) (Reply)

Rec Category: Humor
Pairing: none
Category: humor, gen, team, parody, crack!fic
Warning: implications of a great Swedish conspiracy!
Author on LJ: unknown
Author's Website: tafkar's writing
Link: Furnishing the Universe, One Room at a Time

Why This Must Be Read: This fic is a parody. This fic is crack.

This fic is unquestionably hilarious.

I don't want to spoil the story for anyone, although the punchline is dropped pretty early in the story; that means I can't use my favorite bits in the snippet included in this rec. Briefly, SG-1 gates to a planet and discovers that a planetary commerical giant on Earth is actually universal. Daniel is the first one to suspect, but is not quite ready to offer any theories, especially one that seems so far-fetched. Once the penny drops, though, the real fun begins!

Poor Jack is left turning in circles as Daniel races to discover if he can find the match for his Lärare bookcase set, they clash with Yu on what is truly neutral territory (Ba'al is still persona non grata for his error), and Sam lusts after naquadah table lamps. Teal'c's calm acceptance doesn't help Jack much, although he just might get a chance to sample some Swedish meatballs.

Extra points for the "Jack," "Daniel," "Jack" exchange, complete with translation!

This humor fic is the giggle-out-loud kind, so read at work at your own risk.

After a grueling march through the gigantic complex, they found themselves efficiently herded to the checkout counter. The cashier barely batted an eye at Daniel’s card.

“Ooo, get this, too,” Sam said, putting a catalog onto the cashier’s table. The fact that the text was in some godforsaken dialect of Phoenecian didn’t even seem to matter to her.

“How are we gonna get this all to the Gate?” O’Neill groused.

“Shuttle service runs every half hour from our front door to the kukob’shu’ ur,” the cashier said as she efficiently rang in Daniel’s purchases, using a small sensor on her fingertip to read a code from each price tag.

“Listen to the way she’s eliding the vowels!” Daniel hissed to Jack. “If I could come back and spend more time here, it could advance the study of Semitic languages by decades!”

“You just want to buy more bookcases,” Jack said.

“No, I think I’m set. But have you seen their kitchenwares department?”

Her smile was almost sincere when she asked if they had a pleasant shopping experience. “That will be nine hundred eight Sidonia, sir.”

“Put it on my card,” Daniel said.

“Aren’t you going to ask about the exchange rate?” Jack whispered in his ear.

Daniel shrugged. “We’re bringing home important alien technology. I’m sure the General will let me expense it.”

“Please remove your eyeglasses for the retinal scan, sir,” the cashier asked in a slightly bored tone. Daniel pulled his glasses off, and she moved her index finger in front of his eyes. A green light scanned his left eye for a moment. “All set, sir. Have a wonderful morning.”