stargateficrec | The Work of Mourning, by popkin16 (Teen & Up)

Show: Stargate Atlantis

Rec Category: Slash
Characters: Rodney McKay, John Sheppard, Radek Zelenka, Jennifer Keller
Pairings: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Categories: slash, episode tags, AU
Warnings: canonical character death, grief/mourning, angst, it all comes out right in the end
Author's Journal:

popkin16
Link: The Work of Mourning

Why This Must Be Read: All the feeeeels! Seriously, this fic will punch you in the gut, and then make it all better by the end. It’s a study of the process of grief and, in a Last Man tag, a defiance of that grief. The imagery is amazing, the character insights are amazing, and Popkin is amazing! There can never be enough love for this fic.

Rodney almost doesn’t attend the ceremony during the third year. Carson’s loss is too much, and Rodney fears a lantern bearing Carson’s name will be too heavy for him to bear. But John is there to take him by the shoulders, to be a source of strength to hold Rodney up. Rodney is pathetically grateful.

Rodney takes comfort in the silence of the now familiar movements of constructing his lantern, of writing Carson’s name. No pointless platitudes, no attempts to make him feel better. They mean well, Rodney knows, but this loss cuts deeper than any before.

Carson meant a great deal to many people. Rodney wants to be selfish and keep Carson’s lantern to himself, but he knows Carson deserves better than that. Rodney constructs the lantern and writes the name, but he steps back to let others come forward. They write short, unsigned messages for him, telling him the things they never had when he’d been living. Why is it easier to say these things after the person is gone, Rodney wonders, but somehow it is, so Rodney adds his own message of thanks.

He hesitates when it’s time to let the lantern go. The others float ahead, filling the sky more than ever, and Rodney knows each name that went on a lantern this year. He wonders which lantern is which.

He starts to turn, but Ronon’s strong grip on his shoulder prevents him. It isn’t until John cups the back of his neck, touch feather light and full of hesitation, that Rodney understands and relaxes. He lifts his lantern, feels it drift out of his hands, and swears he hears Carson’s laughter on the wind.