stargateficrec | The Bumblebee Myth (by bitter

Show: SGA
Rec Category: AU
Characters: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, Jeannie McKay.
Categories: Very cracky slash
Warnings: Nil
Author on DW: n/a
Author's Website: see the AO3
Link: The Bumblebee Myth
Why This Must Be Read: This is very definitely an AU, and also complete crack! It's tour de force with John, Rodney, Ronon and Teyla reimagined as insects (except Ronon, who's a very hairy spider). Amazingly, their character voices are spot on, and there's tons of plot, and it's generally an excellent romp and highly readable.

When Rodney came to, the first thing he became aware of was that he was in the middle of molting. The second thing he realized was that he was in some completely unfamiliar crevasse in a rock, rather than the usual locations Jeannie and he and the other young mantids from home chose to complete their molts. The next thing he noticed was that the largest, hairiest, most deadly spider Rodney had ever seen was staring in at him through the opening to the crevasse in the rock.

"Finally," the spider said. "I thought maybe you had died."

"Oh my god," said Rodney, "Look, please, I'll do anything, just please don't eat me. I can, I can, well, I don't really know what I can do for you, but please, don't eat me. I swear, I'm not in very good shape, I probably wouldn't taste very good at all. I mean, I'm always eating all this junk food. I eat aphids constantly, all the time. My mother keeps yelling at me and telling me to be more nutritious, saying that I'll ruin my figure– You know, I think she still thinks I'm a female! Just because I haven't developed any genitalia, I mean, it's obvious I'm a male, isn't it? I'm sure you can tell– Oh shit, that isn't why you want to eat me, is it? You've got a craving for a male nymph mantis, don't you. Because look, I can tell you, you probably wouldn't want to eat any of us! I swear to you, we're disgusting, and really not worth your time, and hey, don't think I'm not going to put up a fight, here, I'll, I'll bite you! I may not look like much but I've got, um, super-venom! That's right, so if you even think about trying to reach one of your big hairy legs down in here to pull me out, I'll–"

"You're funny," said the spider. "Kinda annoying, but funny."