stargateficrec | The Wheel, Atlantis, Wars, And So On by Speranza (G by reccer)

Show: SGA

Rec Category: Humour
Characters: Rodney McKay, John Sheppard, Radek Zelenka, Elizabeth Weir, Teyla
Pairings: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Categories: slash, humour, crack
Warnings: none (unless you want to count possible off-screen fish sex...)
Author on LJ:

cesperanza
Author's Website: Speranza's Fiction
Link: The Wheel, Atlantis, Wars, And So On

Why This Must Be Read: This story attempts to answer the biggest question stemming from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: where did all the dolphins go? Answer: back home to Atlantis, of course. =D

Okay, no, not really. This is not actually a crossover with Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but it makes me giggle to think that it maybe could be if you applied a quantum mirror to it. Because we've seen all sorts of weird and wacky devices made by the Ancients, so why wouldn't they also have a human-to-dolphin transformation machine just waiting to be accidentally turned on...? In a nutshell, this is the story where Rodney gets turned into a dolphin and John gets the fish (er, underwater sea mammal).

"I told you, he said, 'Ah.' That's all he said! He stepped up to the damn console, looked at it, and said, 'Ah!' Then he pushed this button here—" and John stabbed a finger at it, but didn't touch it, "turned into a fish, and swam away!"

"Dolphins aren't—" Beckett began, but he shut up quickly when Sheppard glared at him.

"All right. Okay," and that was Elizabeth's "Everything's going to be fine" voice, her "We've faced stranger things than this and gotten through it," voice. "Radek, do we know what it is?"

Zelenka had plugged one of the laptops into the console, and was staring at the readings it was generating. "I'm not sure. Clearly it is a transformational generator, but I do not understand its matter modification settings. It is unclear how or why A is to be transformed into B."

"Can I point out that this is only half the problem?" John asked. "I mean, even if we can find a way to make that stupid thing turn a dolphin back into a person, we don't have the dolphin anymore." He turned, and waved a hand toward the endless horizon of blue ocean beyond the railing. "Rodney could be anywhere out there! How the hell are we going to find him?"

"Dolphins are said to be very intelligent," Teyla said. "We could set up a homing beacon to let him know that we are looking for him."

Elizabeth let out a little relieved sigh. "That's a great idea."

"Fine, but if they're all so smart, how do we know the dolphin that shows up is Rodney?" John asked, and really, they none of them had an answer for that.

As it worked out, it was a non-issue, because the dolphin that showed up at the south pier, three days after they set up the homing beacon, was balancing a ZPM on its nose.