Five Planets Atlantis is Never Contacting Again, or at Least If They Do, They’re Sending Another Dam

[duonoaikouka.livejournal.com]

Full title 'cause LJ won't fit it all: Five Planets Atlantis is Never Contacting Again, or at Least If They Do, They’re Sending Another Damn Team, Not John’s by Spuffyduds (R)

Show: SGA
Rec Category: Five Things
Characters: Sheppard, McKay, Emmagan, Dex
Pairing: teansy bit of John/Rodney in #5
Het/Slash/Gen: slash
Warning: none
Author on LJ: spuffyduds
Author's Website: AO3, Masterlist of SGA Fic on LJ
Link: Five Planets Atlantis is Never Contacting Again, or at Least If They Do, They’re Sending Another Damn Team, Not John’s

Why this must be read:

The places the Pegasus Galaxy takes our team just boggles the mind, I swear. Spuffyduds takes our team to five locales that aren't quite as earth-destroying and frightening as some canon took us to, but they're no less entertaining. From the Planet With Rodents of Unusual Size to The Planet of the Virginia Reel, each number will give you a look at the lighter side of Pegasus life and Atlantis missions (even #3, while serious, has its lighter moments). They all aren't about the end of the universe, after all, no matter what McKay says. :) Enjoy the humor as the Pegasus Galaxy likes to overload on the angst-y and death-dealing missions all too much.

Story Summary: See title really. :)


2) The Planet of Male Chauvinists

They leave Teyla behind for this one, because Ronon knows the planet and says it would actually insult the male elders to have her present at the greeting. John is less than pleased about it, but Elizabeth seems to think they’d be good trading partners for basic foodstuffs.

So it’s just the three of them, and as they near the temple gate three beaming elders come out to meet them. They get closer and closer and...just keep getting closer, and when they’re about two feet away John thinks, oh great, one of those societies with no personal space. He braces himself for a big manly hug or maybe one of those double-cheek European kisses. And the guy approaching him walks right on up and sticks one hand in John’s hair, grabs on tight, and the other hand--the other hand cups John’s balls.

John automatically goes into “stoneface until I figure out what’s going on,” an expression that comes in handy a whole lot in this galaxy, and peripheral-glances left at Rodney, who also has an elder attached.

Rodney has not gotten in touch with his inner stoic. Rodney probably doesn’t have one. He’s managed to freeze, at least, not pulling away and probably insulting the elder, but his face is red and getting redder, and he’s blinking maniacally and starting to splutter. Shit.

John glances rightward at Ronon.

Ronon is being groped the same way. And Ronon has one hand in the elder’s hair, and one hand on the elder’s crotch, and he’s grinning at John.

Bastard.