stargateficrec | Because I Have Loved by Tittamiire (NC17)

Rec Category: Sam/Janet
Pairing: Sam/Janet, Sam/RepliCarter
Category: Heroes fix, Angst, Romance, Episode related (New Order, Gemini, Reckoning)
Warning: femslash
Author on LJ: http://tittamiire.livejournal.com/
Author's Website: http://www.area52hkh.net/author.php?name=Tittamiire
Link: http://www.area52hkh.net/ast/tittamiire/becausei.php

Summary: Janet didn't die on P3X-666, but things aren't right between her and Sam. The arrival of RepliCarter only complicates things between them and for Earth. Sometimes it takes your galaxy-dominating-evil-twin to help you see the obvious.

Why This Must Be Read: I am always a sucker for a good Heroes fix but most have Sam and Janet being happy that Janet survived and skipping hand in hand off into the sunset. This fic they are having problems plus there is a good plot too.

Snippit:

She washed and changed for bed, habitually avoiding looking in the mirror. It was only once she was lying in the dark in bed that she acknowledged what was eating away at her, letting her finger tips lightly graze the twisting and gnarled flesh that covered the left side of her chest. She didn't know why she felt the need to touch it because she certainly didn't look at it and it wasn't as if it would have disappeared. Janet traced the outline, feeling the edge of the scar where her smooth skin ended and the tangled mess began. She shuddered and stopped. She couldn't help it and she started to cry quietly into her pillow. It had been just under five months since Janet's brush with death on P3X-666. She had looked at herself naked once in that time and she hadn't let Sam see her at all. She hadn't let Sam touch her anywhere on the torso since it had happened and she knew that things really weren't okay. Sam didn't spend the night, sex was something quick, desperate and clothed and neither of them said 'I love you' anymore. Janet fell asleep eventually and woke up only a couple of hours later, still exhausted. She got up anyway, she knew well enough by now that she wouldn't get back to sleep. She didn't sleep for long anymore. Some nights she had nightmares and other nights she didn't, but the only difference was whether she woke up in the middle of the night crying or not. She drank lots of coffee and went through the motions, she tried to grab naps at work when she could and she hadn't screwed anything up yet, but Janet suspected that it would only be a matter of time until she did.