Mnemophobia, by Tripoli (PG-13/R)

[sg-fignewton.livejournal.com]

Rec Category: AU

Pairing: none
Categories: AU, Daniel Jackson, drama, angst, team, gen, episode related
Warnings: lots of language; "Arjun," in particular, has a filthy mouth
Author on LJ: tripoli8
Author's Website: Sign of the Times
Link: currently unable to access via website; Mnemophobia at Alpha Site

Why This Must Be Read: In Tripoli's own words: "When SG-1 discovers Daniel alive and well and living someone else's life, all they want to do is bring him home. Someone else's life has other ideas."

mnemophobia: (n) fear of memories

So, what would happen to an amnesiac dumped on a world and left to fend for himself for three long months? Given enough time, he would eventually forge a new life of his own… and would that personality really want to be destroyed for the sake of a personality that can't be remembered, just because three strangers tell him he ought to want it?

Filled with fascinating original characters and sharp, elegant characterizations, Mnemophobia shows us what might have happened if Daniel had been dumped elsewhere, in a more damaged state, on his descension – and just how much of a struggle SG-1 might have had in order to get him to agree to return to being… well, Daniel.  We're treated to a fully-drawn alien culture, some intriguing insights into the behavior of the Ancients, and, as always for Tripoli, an excellent look at the interactions between Jack and Daniel, even when Daniel isn't exactly himself.

(As a personal aside, I've always been intrigued by how neutral Oma Desala is. She can be written as good guy, bad guy, indifferent guy… and they all work. Tripoli's take on her, and the Ancients, is particularly fascinating.)

Long and satisfying, with an unique explanation for Daniel's amnesia and a great look at Ancient politics (especially the rescue team, at the end, including someone we all would very much like to see again), Mnemophobia is an excellent AU of Homecoming that gives us angst and teamy goodness galore.

Daniel asked, "What makes you think I'd know?"

Because Daniel would have figured it out by now, and you have to be Daniel in there somewhere. He hadn't been sure till now why he felt that so strongly-it wasn't exactly logical-but he had seen Daniel like this before. They all had, though he'd been calling himself Carlin at the time. This Daniel reminded him a lot of that one, actually-amnesiac and pissed off in all kinds of ways, though even down in the power plant, Carlin had trusted Jonah eventually. After the incident with the valve station, Jonah had instinctively wanted to trust him far too much; Jack had never worked up the nerve to ask if Daniel had felt the same pull. "Come on. You wanted to go somewhere. What else?"

"Nothing. Jack, please," he said, in a tone so familiar it froze Jack's heart. "Whatever it is, I don't want to know."

"But they're your memories," Jack told him. "They're just...extra stuff."

"I don't want 'extra stuff'," he snapped. "Not if it makes me turn into somebody else. Is it that hard to understand? Daniel had his chance and he gave it up. I do things. I care about things. He can't just-take that away from me."

"It's his life," Jack said.

"Except that right now, it's not, and I told you before-I'd try once, and then you'd all go home and let me get back to my life." He found his tee shirt tangled in the sheets, and tugged it over his head. "So, have a nice trip."

"We just started," Jack said, louder. "We don't even know what's wrong with you yet."

Jack expected a comeback, probably something incredibly sarcastic, disdainful and Arjun-esque, but all Daniel said was, "Did you hear what Vada said? I'm just trying to live. Which," he added, "is yet another trait I don't share with Daniel."

"Arjun," Jack said roughly, "there are people on Earth who care about Daniel very much. He's helped save the world-billions of innocent people, all at once. He's one of the smartest people I've ever met, and he's my best friend in the universe."

Daniel's smile was bitterly cold. "And I'm just a meat-packer from the north end. Amazing I haven't committed suicide out of sheer self- disgust, isn't it?"

"That's not what I meant," Jack said, but it had been...sort of. "How can you not want to know why this happened to you?"

"What if I did?" Daniel demanded. "What good could it possibly do me to know that? Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up in a strange place with no memory? I didn't know anyone, I couldn't trust anyone. It was incredibly difficult, but I made it work, because I wanted to live."

Jack swallowed. He'd thought about that a lot-how scared and frustrated Daniel must've been, and how lonely-but hearing him say it was somehow so much worse. "I'm sorry you had to go through that," he said hoarsely. "I wish we'd been there."

"I know." Daniel didn't blink. "But I wish you'd never come."